Once upon a time, during the time of the Holy Prophet Mohammad (SAW), A woman came to the Messenger of Allah (SAW) and said: O Messenger of Allah, I have come to give myself to you (in marriage). The Messenger of Allah (SAW) looked her up and down, lowered his head.
When the woman saw that he had not made any decision about her, she felt sad and sat down. A man among his companions stood up and said: “O Messenger of Allah, if you have no need of her then marry her to me”. Prophet Mohammad (SAW) asked him: “Do you have anything?” and the man said: No,. Prophet Mohammad (SAW) then said to him: “Go to your family and see if you can find something.”
So he went, then he came back and said: No, by Allah, O Messenger of Allah, not even a ring of iron, only this izaar (lower garment) of mine – Sahl said: he did not have a rida’ (upper garment) – and she may have half of it. The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said: “What will she do with your izaar(lower garment) ? If you wear it she will not have anything of it and if she wears it you will not have anything of it”.
The man sat down for a long time, he got up (to leave). The Messenger of Allah (SAW) saw him turning away, and he ordered that he be called to him. When he came, the Holy prophet he said: “What do you know of the Qur’an?” .. The man said: I know Surah such and such and Surah such and such – and he listed them.
Then Prophet Mohammad (SAW) asked him: “Do you recite them by heart?”
He said: Yes.
Prophet Mohammad (SAW) said : “Go. You have been given her (in marriage) for what you know of the Qur’an.”..
(Sahih Al-Bukhaari and Sahih Muslim)
Today, the story is different. We marry out love for wealth and beauty. No man is willing to marry a lady for her brains and faith, but for her facial beauty and body assets.. Likewise no lady is willing to marry a man for his faith but for his wealth and class in the society..
According Prophet (Peace be upon him) said:
“A person chooses his life partner due to four reasons. 1. Rank 2. Money 3. Beauty 4. Taqwa (Virtue). One should choose who is best in Taqwa (Virtue)”[Sahih Hadith]
“A woman is married for her deen, her wealth or her beauty. You must go for the one with deen, may your hands be in the dust! (if you fail to heed)”[Muslim]
If someone with whose piety and character you are satisfied with comes to you, marry to him. If you do not do so, there will be trials in the earth and a great deal of evil.” [Tirmidhi]
Obviously these Hadiths are not been adhered in recent times.
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) mentioned various characteristics that people, by their nature and custom, look for in a spouse. He did not advocate any of them, but merely stated them as facts of human nature except for the issue of “deen” and “piety”
That been said, We must be careful not to be superficial in this issue. The mere wearing of hijab or keeping a beard and praying in the masjid, while obvious requirements of piety, do not by themselves guarantee it. There are many people who at first glance appear to be abiding by Islam, but upon closer inspection have a twisted understanding of Islam and their practice in reality may leave much to be desired.
The following are important steps not only for those interested in getting married but also for any others involved in the process of facilitating a marriage. The entire process, in order to be successful with Allah’s blessing, should be proper and consistent with the teachings of the Quran and the Sunnah. All other endeavors will lead to misery and discord.
Both spouses should seek to get married purely for Allah’s pleasure and in order to fulfill the purpose of marriage in Islam.
Both must put full trust in Allah that if they do everything properly and in accordance to the Shari’a that Allah will bless them with a good spouse and that any other approaches are falsehood and will not lead to Allah’s blessing and success in marriage.
They should make du’a to Allah for a pious spouse who will aid them in their Islam and worship.They should be very patient. The process of marriage may take a long time especially in areas where Muslims are a small minority.
One should ask relevant questions and make clear the Islamic foundation of the marriage.
we should as a matter of urgency learn how to pray istikhara to seek Allah’s counsel.
and we should try our possible best avoid all of the innovations surrounding marriage which are so widespread among the Muslims.
“Nikah is my Sunnah, My system. Whoever turns away from my Sunnah, He is not from me or have no relation with me” – Prophet Mohammad (SAW)